


Don't Troogle Yourself

by captorvatiing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Cult of the Signless Sufferer, Multi, Post-Sburb, Religious Discussion, Troll Internet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3977155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captorvatiing/pseuds/captorvatiing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Cult of the Signless Sufferer has developed a growing online community, where you can find plenty of in depth analysis of scripture and poignant debates about the socio-political impact of the first rebellion. Or, if you would prefer, you can always find someone willing to argue about whether the Sufferer was banging his disciples.</p><p>Your name is Kankri Vantas and you have some regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Troogle Yourself

  
truths33ker: You can’t deny what the scripture clearly says. Even taking into account the discrepancies of translation from Ancient Alternian to New Earth English the gospel clearly says that they shared love beyond the quadrants. To box their relationship into a quadrant to further your own prudish agenda is ridiculous.  
Thanks  
Ez  
hellen_69: love beyond quadrants isn’t supposed to be literally you moron!!! quadrant smearing is a perversion!!! are you suggesting that the Signless Sufferer all glory to His name was a pervert??? disgusting!!!!  
whyoniic: hellen i think you need 2 calm down  
hellen_69: NO!!!!! not until this blasphemer has apologised  
truths33ker: I’M the blasphemer? Who is it who is deliberately ignoring the facts laid out by Our Lady who preserved His word? I think you should take advice from the book of Direction and look upon your own Sins before judging others.  
Thanks  
Ez  


Your name is Kankri Vantas and you have some regrets. 

Primarily, your regrets currently center around letting the Psiioniic set you up with a computer, the subsequent discovery of troll google and the vain compulsion to type in your own title. According to you, so you’ve learned in the past few hours, vanity is a sin. It’s a pity you know so little about your own teachings really, or you might have been spared having to read this bullshit with your own two eyes. You sigh and exit the window, only to open it again for the third time.

The problem is that you’re really, really bad at watching other people being _wrong._ It’s one of your biggest failings, your complete inability to let things go. It’s part of what got you into this whole “Signless Sufferer” mess in the first place. If Psii were here he’d drag you away from these idiots and tell you that it’s not worth it but unfortunately for you Psii _isn’t_ here because Disciple sent him out on some kind of ridiculous self help mission that you advised against. You spare a moment to fret about it and debate texting to check up on him but you know he’s getting frustrated with everyone stepping around him like some delicate baby tweetbeast so you let it be. Distraction thus set aside, you turn back to the computer and scowl thoughtfully at pages and pages of ridiculous arguments about “The Sufferer”.

Gods alive do you hate being called The Sufferer.

Some of the threads get pretty heavy, in depth discussions about power structures and inherent caste differences that you’re almost excited to add your voice to. Once upon a time it was life or death attempting to get someone to listen to five words about these topics strung in a line and now, here for your perusal at any hour of night or day, are literally hundreds of trolls and humans will to actually _debate_ this shit with you. You feel light and bubbly in your thoracic cage at the thought of it, but then your thoughts wander back to sheer abundance of petty bickering and nitpicking about your personal life that comes alongside that and the bubbles sink uncomfortably to the bottom of your stomach. The things about you could probably brush off. “He of The Righteous Blood” is at least a refreshing, if slightly mortifying, change from “assblooded cullbait freak” but then they had to go and venerate your clade. 

Of course having outlived you your clade already knew about that. They tried to warn you, they really did. But you didn’t listen.

Ohhh boy, you did not listen.

  
hellen_69: i will not just sit by and let you talk such musclebeast hocky about our holy leader!!! next you will be telling me that you agree with the PERPOSTEROUS theory that the companion and the empire was in cahoots!!!!  
whyoniic: hey now dont bring my theories in2 this i thought u were talking about the disciple  
truths33ker: The Companion of the Suffering is a very good read Hellen, if you ever want to broaden your clearly limited horizons but I digress. Whyoniic is right that has nothing to do with the debate we were having. I think that someone is trying to distract from the matter at hand.  
Thanks  
Ez  
whyoniic: thanks ez  
hellen_69: the matter at hand is that you are BONKERS!!!! the companion was his moirail its perfectly clear in the text you would have to be blind not to see it or maybe!!! you would have to be a pervert you self to see it that way hmmmmm????  


You drop your forehead onto the edge of the desk with a quiet thunk.

Then, because you’re an idiot and because of your aforementioned problem with walking away, you start to type. You type solidly for a good twenty minutes and then spend an equally long time trying to decide on a username. (Never in a million years will you admit to the affronted noise you made when it told you that “signless” was taken.) You eventually settle on something simple and log into the room.

  
k-maryam: Hi,  
whyoniic: bad timing dude  
hellen_69: hello!  
truths33ker: Greetings.  


This was a fucking terrible idea but it’s too late now so fuck it. You copy and paste and hope you can get this all in fast enough that they won't have time to respond.

  
k-maryam: I’m sorry to interrupt your debate uninvited, but this topic is very important to me so I hope you don’t mind me butting in. It’s true, the original book says “love beyond quadrants” (honestly, it sounds a little vacuous and overly poetic but I was only about seven when I started saying it so I figure I can cut myself some slack). When I first said it, it wasn’t about Disciple at all, although I’ll get to my relationship with her in a moment. It was about my mother, the Dolorosa. A lot of trolls take our behaviour towards each other to be pale, something which I admit I was initially scandalised by. It’s not like that at all, and although I do now recognise a lot of our habits to be traditionally “pale” ones my question is not “is this relationship pale?” but “why are we limiting these actions to one romantic attachment?”  
k-maryam: The idea that things like holding out a hand for comfort or worrying for someone’s safety are things that you should only do for a moirail is awful to me. To think that there could be a world where no one would assist someone who was hurt for fear of committing infidelity or even of blurring quadrant lines? Living in a society where being kind to others is actively discouraged? Wouldn’t that be the saddest thing? So when I say, or said, a love “beyond quadrants” it wasn’t just an expression of my love for the Disciple, but an expression of how I wanted to show love in general. For her, yes, but also for the Psiioniic and the Dolorosa and honestly, for others too.  
hellen_69: ummmm why does he keep saying i????  
k-maryam: According to the narrow lines that people like to draw, the Disciple is my matesprit, my kismesis, my moirail and my auspistice. Some nights I pity her pinker than the light of the moon and some nights I would shoot the moon out of the sky just to spite her with the darkness. She is everything to me, I live for the time we have together. Why should I be made to delineate that time by someone else's standard? If I did, and was to say that I took her in every quadrant, then what lines would you draw around my relationship with the Psiioniic? He means just as much to me as she does and I feel the warmth of his pity and taste the ash of his aggravation just as often. Would that make me a vacillator? A smearer? A cheat? A pervert?  
k-maryam: I suppose the more important question is, why should we care? Why should any of us restrict ourself to a system that pulls a noose around kindness and the good, genuine troll emotions of hate and pity and force us to rest all of our baggage unfairly on one or two people? You could say that my clade and I shared a love beyond quadrants, but not because my love for them was anything mystical or perverse. Merely because I refuse to package my interactions in line with a system that the Empress forcefully imposed.  
whyoniic: omg  
k-maryam: So in conclusion,  
k-maryam: The quadrant system sucks ass, I loved all of my clade equally, and discussing my romantic endeavours on the internet is incredibly creepy.  
k-maryam: Oh and, I have never, EVER doubted the Psiioniic’s loyalty. Not then and not now. Sorry, but I have no idea where the fuck that came from.  
truths33ker: That… Is a very interesting discussion of the topic, I will admit but um. Am I right in understanding that this person believes themselves to be the Sufferer himself?  
Thanks  
Ez  
whyoniic: lol wtf this is wild i’m posting this shit on 4chum  
hellen_69: i cannot BELIEVE i am seeing this!!!! pretending to be the Sufferer to argue your own INSULTING poitn???? how stupid can you be!!!! i am disgusted i hope you ....  


Yeah you really should have seen that coming.

**Author's Note:**

> A short companion piece to [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3932206), in case you were wondering where Psi went.


End file.
